How to Cope When Your Kids Drive You Insane

by Susan Heim, author, It's Twins! Perhaps you’ve had more than a few days like mine. Caleb likes to pretend he’s a monster and chases his brother around the room while screaming, "Roarrrrr!!" at the top of his lungs. Austen, of course, is also screaming because he’s being chased. Every time I try to leave the room to get a drink or use the bathroom, they start wrestling. This time, Caleb bites Austen on the back, and Austen hits Caleb in the lip with a Lego. In frustration, I put them in their high chairs for lunch. When I go into the kitchen to clean up, they proceed to throw every piece of food on their tray across the room (including yogurt!) and spit their drinks all over the floor. Do I get mad? YOU BET! I’m furious! At times, I’m nearly in tears at the prospect of another battle with them, and entirely frustrated at not being obeyed. On days like these, it’s nearly impossible to keep my cool. Nevertheless, it’s important to maintain the peace. The key is to ward off these episodes by having a few strategies for warding off a parental meltdown: • Isolate yourself from the situation. Put the kids in their high chairs or beds where they’ll be safe and away from each other. Then go into the next room and collect yourself. One day, when my twins were younger and being particularly frustrating, I placed them in their cribs and escaped to the next room to watch fifteen minutes of a comedy I had taped the night before. The twins quit yelling after a few minutes and were happily making faces at each other afterward. Best of all, I got to do something for me, and the funny show lifted my mood. • Go outdoors. If the weather is decent, strap the kids in the stroller and take a walk. The fresh air and sights will clear your head, and the change of scenery will snap everyone out of their bad moods. • Use distractions. Have a few things on hand that you only bring out when you really need the kids’ attention. A bottle of bubbles often does the trick! My children love to chase bubbles, and their giggles make me feel better. We also shine a laser light or flashlight on the floor and walls. The twins chase after it like they’re trying to catch a mouse. It’s hilarious to watch! Strap the kids in their high chairs and bring out erasable crayons or finger paints. This will occupy them for ages! • Call a sympathetic friend or family member. This may be your mom or your best friend, but call someone who will reassure you that your kids will grow up. One day you’ll be wishing your children wanted you more…trust me! If your friend has little ones, ask her to take yours off your hands for an hour or so and promise to do the same for her the following week. Even an hour of time to yourself can be a sanity-saver. • Remember how blessed you are. My first two pregnancies ended in miscarriage, and I was devastated. Every sighting of a pregnant woman (even a fake one on a TV sitcom) would put me in tears. I was terrified that I would never be a mother. Now, four children later, it still makes me giddy when I remember that my dream came true! If you experienced a difficult road to parenthood, reflect on the days when you feared you might never have children. You’ll find a new gratitude for the little hellions now running around your house! • Stick in a favorite video. I know, I know, some experts say our kids shouldn’t watch TV, but hey, many of those experts aren’t in the throes of parenting toddlers when they write that advice! I’m not advocating that your children sit in front of the boob tube all day, but if you really feel like you’re “losing it,” I still think a half-hour of Baby Einstein is much better for your kids than a swat on the butt. And hey, they might even learn a new word or two! • Tempt their tummies. My twins immediately stop what they’re doing when they hear we’re going to share a dish of ice cream! We savor every bite and stretch it out for a half-hour or so. Of course, we don’t make this an everyday occurrence, but it’s a sweet indulgence for a while and distracts the boys from their chaos. A word of caution: If certain food ingredients make your kids wild, get them to look forward to the apple slices or carrot sticks! --------- Susan M. Heim is an author and editor, specializing in parenting, multiples, women’s and Christian issues. She is a former Senior Editor for a major publishing company, where she specialized in the bestselling "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series as well as religion and teen books. Susan is the author of the books, Oh, Baby! 7 Ways a Baby Will Change Your Life the First Year (Hampton Roads, 2006); "Twice the Love: Stories of Inspiration for Families with Twins, Multiples and Singletons" (TWINS Magazine, 2007); and It's Twins! Parent-to-Parent Advice from Infancy Through Adolescence (Hampton Roads, 2007). Susan has a column called "Loving and Living with Twins and Multiples" on MommiesMagazine.com. She is a member of the National Association of Women Writers and the Southeastern Writers Association, and has a degree in Business Administration from Michigan State University. She is married and the mother of four sons--two teenagers and twin toddlers. Check out her blog, http://www.susanheim.blogspot.com